Expedition Newb Read online

  “Nope.” Alizia now pointed at the ground below a fern.

  The branches toward the bottom were a little bent, and as I got closer, I could see the faint outline of blood. It faded away after a few seconds. “Something died here recently.”

  Alizia nodded proudly. “Yup. And there’s more that way.”

  After she guided us to a couple more of those, Olaf and I began to spot the signs too. Half an hour later, Georgius appeared on my Tracking interface and the red arrow guided me to him. With the speed buff he and his sister had, we’d never have been able to catch them had they not been continually harassed by squat, winged creatures that Inspect identified as “Harpy Hatchlings.” Even after we first saw them in the distance, it took us another ten minutes to catch up as Georgius easily one-shotted his attackers, barely having to break stride.

  Yary tugged on her companion’s sleeve. “They’re baaaack.”

  Georgius spun halfway around and beheaded a harpy going directly for Yary’s throat. He stared at me. “What do you need?”

  Alizia stomped in front of me. “It’s really rude of you to assume that just because you’re a high level and we’re low levels we need something from you.”

  Yary laughed. “Your guild leader keeps telling you not to make assumptions, brother.”

  Alizia began walking back and forth in front of him, gesticulating wildly. “You know, it’s things like this that give all of you high-level players a bad name and make honest, hardworking lowbies say terrible things behind your back. Why, armor that’s worth more than a hundred of us combined doesn’t make you better. It doesn’t make you smarter or prettier or more stylish. It just makes you richer and meaner and jerkier. We don’t need anything from your kind, ‘sir.’ We can get by fine on our own. We do not need you! No, we do not.”

  “Yeah!” Olaf followed Alizia as she stormed off in the opposite direction.

  Georgius stared at her in disbelief before turning to me. “Shouldn’t you follow her?”

  I didn’t open my mouth; instead, I counted to five with my fingers.

  Alizia stomped back into view. “By the way, which way is that dwarven city you were talking about? I don’t need anything from you, ‘sir,’ but maybe your sister could tell me as one lowbie to another. Solidarity!” She gave Yary a fist bump.

  Yary skeptically returned the bump. “You’re silly. It’s a little north from here. Why don’t you group with us? That way you can get Georgius’s run speed buff from his boots.”

  Alizia raised her fist. “Solidarity!”

  Georgius glared at Yary, but she easily met his gaze. He finally broke down and sighed. “Suppose it’s easier than wasting time arguing with you.” He invited us to the group. “If any of you fall behind, I’m not coming back for you. No talking either.”

  Alizia grinned, opened her mouth dramatically, then gave him a thumbs up. Georgius sighed yet again as he turned around and began jogging forward. The rest of us hastily turned on Sprint to catch up. Two harpies dove out of the trees as we neared him, and he effortlessly beheaded them without breaking stride.

  You have gained 500 (400 +100 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 54,731/100,000 to next level.

  You have gained 500 (400 +100 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 55,231/100,000 to next level.

  I turned off my notifications for the time being, as the distraction from them almost made me fall out of the range of the relentlessly moving swordsman’s movement buff. Not wanting to break Georgius’s no-talking rule, I sent Olaf a private message as soon as I caught up. “Are we getting full experience, grouped with a high level? In all the other games I’ve played, you either get significantly reduced experience or none at all.”

  Olaf responded shortly after Georgius killed four harpies with one slash. “It did not used to be that way, but Pyrite changed it a few years ago. There were commercials about it.”

  “Oh, yeah. I remember Dad talking about that. ‘Now even easier to play with your friends.’”

  “Probably what Yary and Georgius are doing. Pyrite wanted to make it so that if one of your friends or family members came in after you, they could catch up easily. There are also a small number of players who will group with low levels for money—very few, though, as most can make a lot more by just killing mobs. If more were doing that, I’ve a feeling Pyrite would revert that change.”

  Alizia and Yary seemed to be having their own conversation through messaging as they burst into laughter multiple times. They fell behind, and Georgius had to circle back to pick them up. He yelled at Yary, and she rolled her eyes at him. Alizia gave Yary a pat on the back and must have sent her another message, because she let out another big laugh.

  The harpy attacks continued steadily, but Georgius sailed through them. At some point we ran into their upgraded version, called an “Infantile Harpy,” which occasionally called for Georgius to hit them twice.

  About thirty minutes after our first encounter with them, Georgius came to a halt. He turned back around and cleared his throat. “All right, newbs. On the other side of that clearing is the dwarven outpost of Grimrag. Most of them are on a different faction than our quest, but still don’t go killing anything until Yary turns her quest in. Actually . . .”

  Georgius has removed you from the group.

  “Hey! What gives?” Alizia asked.

  “You can still come with us to turn it in, but it’s not worth risking one of you doing something to ruin our faction. I did not spend a week of my time grinding that up for her to have a bunch of randos ruin it.” Georgius began walking forward. “We need to hurry. My guild leader, Cedra, has been sending me some savage messages, and I don’t think I can afford to waste any more time.”

  I could certainly empathize with wanting to get this over with quickly if Cedra was sending him messages. In my couple of encounters with her, I’d wanted nothing more than to end the conversations as soon as possible and avoid any further ones. Perhaps much of Georgius’s borderline rude and abrupt behavior was due to her messages and he wasn’t like this normally.

  We pushed our way past the last bushes and found two stout dwarves in dull, functional chainmail guarding the entrance to a wooden palisade. Their eyes followed us as we passed, but they didn’t move or say a word even after Yary waved at them.

  Inside, the town was a collection of three to four dozen stone huts roughly as tall as me, seemingly dropped at random in the enclosure. Dwarves hustled back and forth with purpose, not appearing to care about the five outsiders in their midst even though it was quite obvious by our heights that we were the only non-dwarves there. There were no roads or signs to indicate direction, but fortunately our new friends seemed to know exactly where to go.

  Georgius finally paused in front of a hut near the eastern wall that looked exactly like all the others right down to the dent on the bottom of the door. A puff of smoke appeared over his arms as they suddenly filled with items from his bag. “Three plague thistle, four goblin shaman staffs, the crown of the Yarp Thogg, and a bottle of 1270 Colon Basher this time. Don’t want to have to re-grind your rep again because we gave that grumpy dwarf the 1273.” He handed the items to Yary.

  “Still not sure what the big deal was about that,” Yary said.

  The door slammed open behind us, knocking Olaf over. A red-eyed, brown-bearded dwarf stomped out and kicked Georgius in the shin. “Who’re you callin’ grumpy?”

  Georgius rubbed his shin. “The guy who just kicked me, probably.”

  The dwarf grinned. “Sissy Gladiators, always the same. We all know ye wet yourselves whenever ye see one of us Bruisers comin’ at ye.” He eyed Yary. “Now what do we have here? One of me fellow murder machines bringin’ me presents?” His eyes lit up when he saw the bottle. “It does exist!”

  Yary attempted to hand him the crown, but he nimbly darted to the side and grabbed the Colon Basher. “Ye can keep the rest, sweetie.”

  Georgius grabbed the bottle from the dwarf. “Don’t you have something for he
r, first, Fistbeard?”

  The dwarf kicked him in the shin again and took the bottle back. “Already did, ye preenin’ dandy.” He pointed at the glowing gloves tucked between the staves in Yary’s hands. “Now go have a naughty dream about yer sword or whatever it is yer kind do. I have a holy experience with this here bottle.” He popped the cork off and saluted Yary. “Congratulations on yer new gloves. Ye earned ’em. I can see great potential in ye, young one.”

  The dwarf slammed the door behind him but Georgius yelled through it. “Why did you make us gather all of that other stuff? We had to run the Ruins of Brin-Terog seven times to get that crown to drop.”

  “It’s not the result; it’s the experience that teaches enlightenment. Now go away, I’ve a bottle of a legendary brew to get enlightened on, and yer interferin’ with me chi.”

  Opening and closing his mouth several times, Georgius finally gave up. In the meantime, Yary sent the items to her bag except for the crown and gloves. The gloves glowed even more strongly after she put them on, changing from a dull white to a vibrant purple. Alizia took the crown and set it on Yary’s head, whistling in appreciation.

  After a bit of internal deliberation, Georgius pulled Olaf and me aside. “I have a proposition for you.”

  “I am sorry,” Olaf said, “but I am married and neither of us are interested in men.”

  “That’s not—”

  I chuckled. “You’ll have to forgive him. Alizia’s begun to rub off on him.”

  Georgius looked back as Yary began to dance in time to Alizia’s clapping. “You’re not the only one she’s rubbing off on, though perhaps in Yary’s case that may not be such a bad thing. My guild needs me now, and I don’t have time to escort her back with me. My teleport ring can only take me.”

  “So you want her to join our group?” I asked.

  “Absolutely not,” Olaf said. “While she does seem like a nice girl, we have recently lost our fourth member under very bad circumstances and have not gotten over her loss yet.”

  Decrona’s betrayal and death had hit us all very hard. So much so that even the mention of her name usually brought on long stretches of silence and general discomfort. Still, I was surprised by Olaf’s immediate rejection of grouping with Yary.

  “I understand,” Georgius said. “When the Warrior who my group had leveled with up to twenty quit the game, it was a good month and a half before we could bring ourselves to replace him. Please? I can’t just abandon her here, but if I take any longer Cedra might literally roast me alive. Would money perhaps ease your pain? Say, a hundred gold a piece?”

  Even though she was about a hundred feet away, Alizia rushed toward us. “For a hundred gold, the answer is yes. I don’t even care what it is you want us to do.”

  Olaf eyed her skeptically.

  “OK, not everything, you dirty gnome. What is it you want, Gorgeous Georgius?” She batted her eyelashes dramatically.

  “He wants us to replace Decrona with your new friend,” Olaf said.

  Alizia scratched her chin and looked at Yary in the distance. “Hmm, I do like the kid—”

  “Who appears to be the same age as you,” I said.

  “And I’m a child at heart, Horus. Now, don’t interrupt a master raconteur while she’s raconteuring. While I do like her, that’s exactly why I can’t vote for her replacing Deccy. Deccy and I had a hate/hate relationship and I need a foil to keep me on my toes.”

  “More importantly, we need to get back on the road soon,” Olaf said. “We can’t have her slowing us down. Besides, Mr. Georgius, we do not even know where we will be when you need to pick her back up.”

  “She’s a Bruiser, though, guys,” I said. “Bruisers can heal, and we need a healer.”

  Alizia and Olaf looked at each other, each hoping the other one would say it.

  “No, I’m not going to be our healer permanently,” I said. “I’m going to be an Archer. A DPS class. What if Georgius offered us something more?” I turned to Georgius. “You wouldn’t happen to know the whereabouts of an oddball high level named Clewd, would you?”

  Georgius frowned. “Don’t get me started on that lunatic. Spent a whole day following him around when I was new so he could teach me the ‘secret Shoemaking skill.’”

  Alizia pulled off her boot and pointed it at Georgius. Olaf covered his nose and tossed the boot fifty feet away.

  “I became the laughingstock of Isliu du Guiron when I offered to teach it to people. Had to move to Highwall to get away. People still bring it up three years later. Anyway, as a matter of fact I do happen to know where Clewd is. He shouted it out before he left the Outpost of Fen after the great battle there. He went to stream a new video in the Golden Hole.”

  Alizia giggled for the thousandth time at the dungeon’s name.

  Olaf deflated. “We already know that, but that was over a week ago. He has probably left that place by now.”

  “Probably, but you never know with that loon,” Georgius said.

  A tall man in a baggy poncho bumped into Georgius from the back. He gave Georgius an odd look as he twisted his fake dark mustache. I could tell the mustache was fake because he had it taped over a much longer, lighter mustache. “Excuse me, my good man, I couldn’t help but overhear. Did you say you were interested in seeing the epic streaming videos of the genius director Clewd?”

  “Not me, these people were looking for him.” Georgius turned and nearly jumped out of his armor as he finally took in the odd-looking man.

  “Ah, well enough, I suppose, since he hasn’t figured out how to record yet.” A breeze blew up the bottom of the poncho to reveal the shimmering, multi-colored armor below.

  I laughed mirthlessly. “Clewd, we know that’s you under there. Could you answer a few questions for Olaf?”

  Olaf expertly dodged the flailing Georgius to stand in front of Clewd. “You mentioned you grouped with a Burglar named Repsak, sir. Do you know where he is now? Is he safe? Please, I must know. He is my son.”

  A puff of smoke covered the area and left all of us coughing on the ground. Clewd’s voice echoed through my skull. “Engage the shadow that lurks at the heart of the Golden Hole. Only then will you find the answers you seek—assuming you make sure to not block the shots of the epic battle and agree to sign over all streaming rights to the genius known as Clewd.”

  The smoke finally cleared. Clewd was still standing in the exact same spot.

  “So, do you know where he is?” Olaf asked.

  Clewd’s eyes darted between us. “You can still see me, can’t you?”

  “Yes,” I growled.

  “Ah, well, could you just look over there for about a minute?” Clewd pointed behind us.

  “Only if you answer my question,” Olaf said. “What do you know about Repsak?”

  I summoned my bow. Alizia readied her shield and moved into position behind Clewd. Georgius covered one side of him and directed Yary to the other.

  “Wrong box. Sorry.” Another cloud of smoke appeared in front of Clewd, though contrary to his statement, no box appeared in his hands. This time, when it faded, he was gone. There were no markings on the ground to give a hint as to which way he’d gone. He didn’t show up on Tracking either.

  Olaf punched the ground. “We were so close.”

  “At least we know for sure where we can find him,” I said.

  “Yeah, really trustworthy that guy was,” Alizia said. “I’m sure he’d never lie to us. By the way, Horus, I have some magic turnips for sale if you’re interested.”

  “While he does love to disguise things with cryptic wording full of double and triple meanings, he has always told the basic truth in my past dealings with him,” Georgius said. “He actually did teach me Leatherworking, which does allow you to make shoes. From what he said, it sounds like you can at least be sure you’ll find him in the Hole.”

  “So all we need is a way in,” I said.

  “Will this help?” Fistbeard opened the door to his house only to slam
it shut again.

  Quest: Go Away!

  Description: The dwarven Monk Fistbeard would like you and your group to “Go take your loud and annoying conversation away from his door so he can gain enlightenment from his wise master, 1270 Colon Basher.” In exchange, he’ll update your map with the hidden entrance to the Golden Hole.

  Completion Objective: Move five hundred feet away from the door of Fistbeard.

  Reward:

  Location of the secret entrance to the Golden Hole dungeon.

  Don’t find out why Fistbeard has the word “fist” in his name.

  Even though no one claimed to have received the same quest, everyone moved away a few seconds later. I stopped when I was confident we were more than five hundred feet away. The others did as well.

  You have completed the quest: Go Away!

  Your map has updated with a new location.

  To the north a place called “The Gate of Fred” appeared on my map along with the Golden Hole right above it. It was roughly the same distance as the entrance to this valley had been to Grimrag, a trip that had taken us three hours with Georgius’s run speed buff and him easily killing everything we encountered.

  “This is fantastic,” Olaf said. “We could be in that dungeon by the end of the day.”

  Georgius scrunched up his brow, his eyes with a distant look like he was reading something in the interface. “That surly bastard cheated us again.” He stomped toward the dwarf’s house.

  You have failed the quest: Go Away!

  Your map has had a location removed.

  The rest of the group ran after him. It was annoying to lose the location on our maps, but retroactively failing the quest hadn’t removed the general location from our memories. I wasn’t sure how the dwarf had cheated us, but Georgius must’ve seen something. No one else seemed to know what it was either.

  Georgius angrily leaned down and banged on Fistbeard’s door. “Open u—”