Expedition Newb Read online

  I facepalmed and groaned. “No.”

  “Sorry, right. Mentally going through digital parenthood in those thirty seconds has given me a new perspective. I totally see what our little gnome is going through, and he has my complete support to take as much time as he needs.”

  Olaf turned around with a sigh. “I was hoping my Detective skill would find something hidden here, but it did not. I did hit my maximum of twenty-five in skill, so it was not a complete waste. I spent another skill choice to raise it farther.”

  Alizia reached down and patted the gnome on the shoulder. “Sorry, Laffy. But look on the bright side, you now have a better chance of helping me find that potion I lost three days ago.”

  Olaf rolled his eyes. “I already did. You drank it.”

  “No. You found an empty vial.”

  I turned and looked to the left, to prevent Alizia from seeing my smile. The last thing she needed was encouragement. It was a good thing I did, because I barely caught the arrow headed for my face. I stumbled to the left and the arrow thunked into the tree. In my panic, it didn’t occur to me to yell out. Fortunately, the sound of my companions summoning their weapons came soon after, reminding me to summon my own bow.

  A centaur in thick, tattered leather armor charged from behind the trees with her lance pointed at my chest. A hundred feet away I could make out the source of the arrow as a gnarled, blue-skinned goblin in faded cloth armor raised her bow. My eyes darted to a sound next to the mountain, and I could see boot prints headed toward us.

  “Shadow players!” I said. “Olaf, remember what we discussed. I think there’s a—”

  “On it.” Olaf was already on the move. He tossed a handful of dirt at the last set of boot prints, revealing a four-foot-tall humanoid with the head of a fox. The foxkin rubbed his eyes, leaving his kidney completely exposed to Olaf’s dagger.

  I was so absorbed in Olaf’s brilliant maneuver that I completely forgot about the other two. An arrow caught me in the stomach, taking me down to 91%. The damage was worth it, though, as it made me remember the centaur. She was now only ten feet away. There wasn’t enough time to get completely out of her way, but at least I wouldn’t take the attack full on.

  “What discussion?” Alizia sprinted in front of me. A sound like thunder nearly knocked me from my feet as her shield intercepted the centaur’s blow. It seemed impossible that her opponent hadn’t bowled her over, but then I saw the Wall icon float over her head.

  Olaf danced back from the foxkin’s wild stab and smacked him hard in the wrist with the pommel of his dagger, disarming him. “That would be the hour we spend right before bed every night going over various scenarios we may encounter and how each of us is supposed to perform in them.”

  Alizia crushed the centaur’s knee, knocking her over. “Ohhh . . . The thing with that binder Decrona left. I thought it best to honor her memory by not listening to any of it, you know, just like I did when she was still with us. Is there something I’m supposed to be doing now?” Her shield tilted up, intercepting an arrow headed for me while her scepter flew down, making the centaur see stars.

  “No. What you’re doing now is perfect. Keep it up. I’ve a feeling you learn better through osmosis than by actually listening anyway.” Following the plan, I aimed at my counterpart, who’d dropped her bow and switched to spells. The greenish glow confirmed my suspicion that she was a Woodsman too. My shot only did 10, but it connected with her forearm, ruining the spell.

  “I’d comment on that, except I wasn’t listening. Did any of Deccy’s plans involve me singing a lullaby to our enemies?” The stars faded from the centaur’s head. She tried to rise only for Alizia to slam her shield down and stun the creature again.

  “No!” Olaf’s face contorted at the thought of Alizia’s singing, and his dagger faltered, missing the foxkin’s heart. The 43 was still just enough to finish off his opponent. Without missing a beat, he went for the goblin.

  I was missing my opponent as often as I was hitting her, but that wasn’t my objective. Every one of her spell attempts had failed, and she was down one party member, while both of mine were at full health. The centaur still had 73% of her HPs, but she was also on the ground and completely at the mercy of our giant green warrior. Alizia wasn’t the best listener, but she was a natural at her role. I had no doubt she’d keep the centaur locked down while Olaf and I finished off their healer. Our group might only have had our classes for a few weeks, but we were more than a match for any equal-level group of three.

  A fist cracked me across the jaw for 87! I spun around in a daze, seeing the muscle-bound orc for a split second before a blast of blue energy knocked me off my feet. The orc growled at someone behind him and charged after me. I tried to rise, but the only part of me able to move was my eyes. I had the same stars icon floating over my head the centaur had received from Alizia. Why did I assume there were only three of them?

  “Horus, I’m coming.” Olaf broke off from his opponent to protect me from the two newcomers. Unfortunately, he hadn’t finished off the goblin. She quickly used the opportunity to heal the centaur. Finally free from being Stunned, the centaur immediately swiped her spear out, taking Alizia’s feet out from under her.

  “Is anyone coming for me?” Alizia asked.

  “Olaf, go back!” I said. “I can . . . The plan for this is to—”

  Olaf’s slice caught the orc in the side, but the dagger barely scratched him as a stone icon floated above the orc’s head. The orc smiled and landed a one-two combination of meaty fist to Olaf, knocking him down to 68% in the blink of an eye. Stunned faded from me and I readied a heal, only to be thrown back to the ground by another blast of blue energy. The only good thing was the illumination had revealed the location of our fifth opponent. The tiny pixie was readying another shot from his steaming gun before I even started my spell. Well, at least this’ll save us part of the walk to the next city.

  I almost stopped casting Regrowth, since our fates were pretty much sealed. Good as we were, three on four were not odds we could win. Especially not when they’d ambushed our healer—not that that was my permanent role either.

  My Regrowth landed on me a split second after the next shot took me down to zero. Survivalist triggered, keeping me alive but incapacitated until the regenerating aftereffect of Regrowth brought me back to consciousness a couple of seconds later. The bearded pixie had seen me go down and assumed that was it for me. His lone eye was now on Alizia, leaving me free to hit Olaf with Regrowth. We weren’t out of this yet.

  “So . . .” Alizia said in group chat. “Did Deccy leave a plan for four opponents at once?”

  “You Shout at them one at a time to slowly draw them onto you,” I said.

  “Any plans that don’t involve everyone pummeling me for lots of owies?”

  “You are the tank,” Olaf said. “That is your job.”

  Alizia grumbled, “Damn you and your gnomish logic. One of these days the plan will involve me singing and you getting hit repeatedly while I laugh between verses, you short, mustachioed devil.”

  “I will wait for that day with bated breath.”

  “I Shout at you, you adorable man-pixie,” Alizia said. The pixie switched weapons and showered Alizia’s shield with fire from the hose on his backpack.

  Olaf stabbed the orc, taking him down to 81%. The orc responded with a quick jab. I landed another Regrowth, pushing Olaf back up to 72%, but the goblin pushed the orc to 90% a second after.

  “I Shout at you, you tiny blue heal machine,” Alizia said. “No more healing for you unless it’s on me, your gorgeous opponent.”

  “We keep green woman alive, Marknafian? Please?” the orc asked as he looked at the pixie. “She silly. Dumbus like silly.”

  “No, moron,” the pixie said. “You ate all our rope last night, and we don’t have anything to hold her with. Now focus and finish off the gnome.”

  The orc shrugged. “All food taste good in game. I see if other things good too.” He t
urned back to Olaf but his fists hit nothing but air. “Where he go?”

  Olaf answered his question by reappearing behind him. His dagger landed in the back of the orc’s kneecap for a Flanking Attack/Vital Strike/Sneak Attack combo of 143! The orc collapsed to the side. My smile faded when a greenish energy covered the orc.

  As I turned to try to even the odds, I caught more motion out of the corner of my eye. I barely rolled aside as the centaur’s charge carried her through the spot I’d just been in. Her last leg caught me in the side, rolling me over. Stunned floated up as my head bounced off a large rock.

  Olaf traded another set of blows with the orc. Previously, this’d be the part in the exchange where they both got covered in green, glowing energy, but this time I wouldn’t be there for my friend. Olaf dropped down to 51% and the orc to 47%.

  Unable to do anything but watch, my eyes remained glued to their status bars. I stared and stared until the bar moved again.

  The orc’s went down, not up. I blinked and checked again. 36%.

  I quickly searched for the goblin but couldn’t find her. Is she hiding behind the guy in the blinding blue armor?

  I didn’t have time to figure it out as the man glided toward me like he was on skis. Blood splattered, coating my side. By the time I wiped it from my eyes, he was already fifty feet behind me, barreling through the tree line. The centaur was in two pieces, neither of which seemed to be in any mood to renew their assault on me. I did manage to get a Regrowth on Olaf before he finished off the orc, but by then the fight was well decided. The spell did at least heal my ego.

  To my relief, Alizia came back out of the tree line a few seconds later. It was less of a relief when the swordsman came out behind her with weapons still drawn. For some reason, I was a lot less nervous about the equally bloody redheaded wood elf who followed, even though she was every bit as mysterious as her companion.

  Alizia kept her shield up toward the swordsman. While he was a Sun-aligned human, it wasn’t unheard of for players of the same faction to kill each other, especially so far in the remote wilderness. With a condescending smile, he sent his blade to his bag. He looked about to speak when the wood elf tapped her bracers. A bright white light covered him, seeping into every pore and illuminating his pompadour like a stage light.

  The swordsman shook his head in disgust, waiting for the light to fade before speaking. “I’m already at full health, Yary.”

  Yary, the wood elf, bit her lip and stared at a tiny red splotch on the swordsman's cuff. “Ah. I saw the blood and assumed.”

  “Always check the Hit Point bar first.” The swordsman sighed and turned to us. “Unexpected to find lowbies such as yourselves out here. A good thing I did, though. This area isn’t safe for Sun Alliance players anymore. Since Highwall fell, the Shadow players have quite naturally claimed the areas around it. It’s all new to them, so they’re out exploring and questing in droves. I highly recommend you three move closer to Kagsgrude.”

  Yary raised her hand, her long braid bouncing eagerly off her back. “If it’s so dangerous, why’re we out here, Georgius?”

  Georgius smacked his face into his palm. “You don’t have to raise your hand, and for the twentieth time, so we can get to the NPC to finish the quest for the best weapon you can get until level twenty-five.”

  Alizia slowly lowered her hand. “Can Warriors do that quest, and can the reward be exchanged for healing potions, preferably alcoholic ones?” Alizia asked.

  “No and no. Not to be rude, but we have to go. Yary needs to finish before this place becomes completely overrun with Shadow. The nearest Sun town is that way, in case you were wondering.” He pointed behind me.

  Alizia turned to Olaf as the other two walked toward the mountains. “We tried our best, little buddy, but it looks like that peddler was wrong. Nowhere else to look.”

  Olaf bit his lip and stared at the ground. “I believe you are correct. I very much appreciate the two of you helping me search.”

  While the quest Georgius had mentioned seemed interesting, he was clearly in a hurry. Also, I couldn’t help but notice his blue armor. It was the same color I’d seen numerous times on other players, and it marked him as a member of the Knights of Bass Kicking, one of the top guilds in the game. (The “B” in the name was added by the profanity filter which I kept on for fun.) Nearly all the members of that guild I’d encountered had proven not terribly friendly, with their guild leader being one of the worst. Georgius’s abrupt mannerisms so far led me to believe he was no different. I was about to let him leave when a sudden thought hit me and I ran after him.

  “Where is this quest NPC?” I yelled.

  Alizia wheezed behind me, loudly crashing through the underbrush and alerting Shadow players for miles around. “Why does it matter? He said we can’t do it.”

  “We’ve explored this whole forest and didn’t encounter a single NPC, so there’s a good chance this NPC is in a place we missed,” I whispered in group chat.

  Olaf’s face lit up. “A very cunning deduction, Horus.”

  After my failures in the fight with the Shadow players, it felt good to contribute something to the group. As kind as his statement was, I needed to do more to be worthy of his friendship again. We’d all have to be at our best if we were going to get to that dungeon and somehow to the end.

  “Do you have any other cunning deductions, Mr. Horus, to figure out where a nice inn with top-shelf alcohol might be hidden out here?” Alizia asked.

  Georgius had obviously heard me, but he continued moving without looking back. I shouted his name again to no reaction. Olaf rushed in front of Georgius, and he stopped. Yary grinned.

  A sigh rolled out from the blue-clad knight again. I was beginning to think that sound was his guild’s motto. “If any more Shadow players appear, I’m not saving you a second time. What is it?”

  “We were told the entrance to the Golden Hole is near here. Do you know where it is?”

  “To access that dungeon you have to go through a mid-teens dungeon called Serfin’s Keep, on the other side of this mountain range.”

  Olaf deflated. “So, the peddler’s directions were technically correct, but it will take months to go around the mountains.”

  “Then it’s not in the same place as the quest NPC you’re looking for?” I asked.

  Georgius began moving once more. “Nope. Grimrag’s a small dwarven town nearby. One of those places they put in to grind factions and get stuff that used to be good decades ago, but with the newer equipment, wasn’t worth the time. The exception being the fists we’re getting for Yary.”

  “Where is it?” Olaf asked as we followed. “We explored this whole area and did not see anything close to resembling a town—only lots of trees and mountains.”

  Stopping in front of the sheer cliff, Georgius stared up. “It has a hidden entrance that you need a 35 in Detective to see. Legend has it that the Trium found it first but didn’t tell anyone. Ground their faction all the way up to get weapons and armor that gave them a huge advantage. Pyrite nerfed the stuff shortly after.”

  He slowly moved his hand over the smooth stone until a pattern of purple light appeared. He touched four spots on the pattern, and the stone evaporated revealing a short passage that led to a flower-filled meadow. Yary immediately ran through. Georgius shook his head and rushed after her.

  I checked my map and found the passage now marked on it. “Olaf, what do you want to do now?”

  “I think what Alizia said earlier makes the most sense. In the time it would take to get around this mountain range, Clewd will have long left the place. Besides, our chances of surviving to even get there are not very good, let alone get to the end. He will eventually have to leave that place and we will meet him then.”

  “To the nearest town with beer and beds?” Alizia bobbed her head enthusiastically. “Not together, that’d be weird.”

  Olaf’s face brightened as Alizia began bouncing up and down. “Yes. And you can finally try that
new drink you invented.”

  “The Elven Concussion!” She walked into the passage.

  Olaf grabbed her and pointed behind him. “The main road is back that way.”

  “You said the closest town, and there’s one right through here.”

  “Alizia, we need one with lots of other players,” I said. “Players who may have heard about Clewd.”

  Olaf let go of her. “No, Horus. We could stop by this town for one night. She has earned that.”

  Alizia squealed. “You’re the best bald, mustache-wearing gnome from Norway I’ve ever met. To the town whose name I forgot for lots of elven concussions! And also, whatever it was I named that new drink I made up!”

  A Second Quest Does Not Qualify as a Quest Reward

  After about fifteen minutes of moving through the forest at the other end of the tunnel, it dawned on me that Georgius hadn’t told us specifically where this town was. We’d just assumed that the tunnel led directly to it, or that there’d be signs. However, as the map around us began to fill in with details, it appeared that we were in some sort of hidden valley. Neither Georgius nor Yary were anywhere to be seen, nor did they show up in my Tracking skill’s interface.

  “Maybe we should go back,” I said. “There’s no telling how big this area is. This town could be days away for all we know.”

  “Perhaps you are right.” Olaf stared into the branches above and suddenly jumped back, drawing his dagger.

  Alizia laughed at him when nothing appeared.

  Olaf breathed a sigh of relief and continued forward while keeping his eyes above. “We should have asked Georgius where it was.”

  “It’s obviously that way.” She pointed straight ahead.

  Olaf and I shared a skeptical look. “Did you get a message or are you only saying that because you really want to find this place?” I asked.